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When I was in the womb I listened to Beetohven and enjoyed his 5th and 6th symphonies. I was able to walk after 3 months and talk after 4. I have 2 middle names because I was diagnosed with split personality. I never used training wheels or helmets because I was a strong believer of living on the edge.

When I was bored I would discover codes for videogames. My diet consisted of ostrich meat and goats milk and every morning I would fry up a quail egg. I made a video of a rap that I created myself and got 10,000 hits on youtube. I was the original creator of napster but Shawn Fanning stole the program through a file sharing website; I still am planning on killing you.

I once read the entire Harry Potter series in one day, and still had time to masturbate, twice. I rescued 8 kittens from a burning building and managed to make it to the movies on time. I recovered a plane from a group of terrorists and landed it safely with my Flight Simulator: X training. When I visited Sri Lanka I helped underprivileged kids learn calculus; a task I feel now was totally pointless and only inhibited the children's chance of survival.

I dip snap harder than you ever will and have mastered the art of the ferris wheel. My flow is so authentic that it is certified by the SCC. I do my parents taxes and however much money I save them is my allowance. I wrote a novel and published it in 36 different languages; it rhymes in every version. I am the title holder of three consecutive National Rock, Paper, Scissors competition and have appeared on ESPN several times.

Two years ago I discovered the meaning of life but i forgot to write it down. On my spare time I volunteer to cut the pages in books, because someone has to do it. I have had sex with three women at once, and one of them was your mom. When I tried solving the renewable energy source epidemic a GE representative came into my house and destroyed my hard drive. I have enough money to buy Bill Gates three times over but I do not believe in slavery. And I have received five Ocars, three Emmys, and 2 Nobel Prizes.

But I have yet to achieve first place in the NEPL.

wow, so funny, yet so utterly amazed at the same time...I'm speechless...

how do you come up with all this? you should take creative writing

i feel like ive heard that before